I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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