U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
