i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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