If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
