Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
