Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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