Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
