Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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