Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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