Will you blow on my dice?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
honey bunches of taint.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
