Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dicks are not precious.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
