Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
