I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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