I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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