I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this boner is exhausting
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
