All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize