At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
