i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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