More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
