the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
