I'm gonna have a badass scar
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
