It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
