Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
