My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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