So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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