areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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