Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
