ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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