This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
