"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
