if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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