Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
