I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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