Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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