is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
