i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
