good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
