I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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