omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
