What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
