I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
