I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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