There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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