they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
