I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
