Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
