the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
