There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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