Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
