wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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