Will you blow on my dice?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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