Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
