He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
