Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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