My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
