Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
