i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
