Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
