Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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