Will you blow on my dice?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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