Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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