good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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