Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
