she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
