did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
