My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
