JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
