Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
