I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
