so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
