I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
