Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
