"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
