Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
