I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
