i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
