At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
