Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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