if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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