We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
