im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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