I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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