Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
